Well I do not know what to say. I have let myself down, big time. I did get back on the scale and its just awful I am back up to 316lbs as of a week ago. I fell off the wagon once again. The struggle always seems to get worse as summer comes to a close. Fall has always been a very hard time of year for me to stay on track. I can only theorize it is because of all the hustle September brings.
The time is now however for next spring, in just 8 months it will be Spring again. Like they say build summer bodies in the fall. If I recommit and refocus that means I could hit my goal of 195 by May losing 15lbs a month which is a moderate pace.
I again have come down with another cellulitis infection which means they are becoming more frequent and of course this will play into my well being in every aspect. The antibiotics will wipe out whatever good gut bacteria I have been able to recolonize my gut with. So I will have to start all over again.
I feel like I am under a spell with food once that is almost impossible to break. Stress seems to be the cause of my eating bad food. Even with having prepared meals I choose junk food over them due to the taste. In reality my taste buds are once again hooked on high sugar, high salt so anything else tastes extremely bland. I know when I was eating the prepared meals all the time they tasted better and I did not crave high sugar or salt items. The sad part is I realize this in retrospect but when I pick up that phone to order take out I end up not thinking about this or it may cross my mind but it is quickly discarded in lieu of fast food.
I think it is clear that I need to get back on track with journaling my progress daily. I thought I could do it without structure but apparently no matter how much I dislike structure I need it to get things done. So I am going to try getting back to this daily commitment tomorrow and journal my daily progress. My goal was originally set to be reached by the end of October, it is just not physically possible to drop 120 lbs in that short amount of time left. I tried to move it to December but that also is not enough time so at this point I am setting my new goal date to May if it happens before then, then that’s great but I do not want to put a ridiculous expectation on myself at this point.
As a picture on my wall says no one can change the past but you can the future. The weeks I have spent being depressed and upset over gaining weight back has not served me well at all. I cannot change the past so it is time to move on and keep going with this.