Well it has been 245 days since I started this journey and sadly I have ended up almost where I began. My starting weight was 351.6 when I began on Valentines Day. I got down to 295 and now I am back up to 322.8. My appetite has been voracious, my stomach constantly feels like an empty void that cannot be filled. Sugar cravings are off the charts as well.
I just got done with two courses of antibiotics for a severe sinus infection. I have no doubt that the Cephalexin and Doxycycline killed off any good gut bacteria. This is also partially my fault though as I kept forgetting during this time to take my probiotics.
Things have been so busy it has been very difficult to focus and stay on track and as stress levels have risen so have the bad eating habits once again.The eating out increased again, which in turn is only costing me a ton of money and my health.
I hate to say it but I have failed this round. I broke promises to myself and I am now going to miss my goal of being 195lbs by Christmas. This honestly is really depressing me because I had hoped to celebrate my next birthday with my new body and health. I know I am running out of time with getting this under control. I do not want any more medications if anything I want off the blood pressure medications and the cholesterol med as well. I feel now I am headed for diabetes medications if I do not get this under control.
These factors just add to the stress and pressure in addition to trying to get other things done. I think park of my issue is I have always been against regimented things as it has always felt to me like marching orders but typically looking back as much as I hated it, it seems best I function with structure so I need to adopt a better methodology of spending my time and preventing stress from building up. To that end I am going to try to implement a method that Dan Meredith teaches and hopefully I can stick to it. This haphazard shit is not working and just causing me more stress.
I have come to a point where I have to do what is good for me regardless if people want to get together for dinner, hang out late at night etc. I have to do what is beneficial to me. I have wasted too many nights hanging with friends at bars until closing time or beyond on a Friday or Saturday night which just results in me not waking up the next day until 10:30AM with only 6 hours or less of sleep or rising out of bed at almost noon when half the day is wasted. This also has led to more pressure and stress. Due to getting up so late I am behind in getting things done which just ends up rolling things over to the weekdays which with a full time job make it almost impossible to get most of those things done as I only have about 4 hours each night and the time flies by. Then of course whatever doesn’t get done during the week rolls to the weekend. This doesn’t include yardwork and other household chores such as washing clothes and tidying up the house. So of course it just keeps building and things don’t get done.
It has come apparent to me I need to be greedy with my time. I need to learn to say No. I also need to get to the point where if other people want to eat bad that’s on them. If they don’t know what they want for dinner or want to eat bad they can. However, I need to make the conscious choice not to no matter what as my life is not their life. I feel some days like certain people are trying to purposely ruin any progress I make to keep me the way I am or they are weak willed. It could be either or it could be just one, I’m not sure. It is just aggravating when you try to better yourself and there is no support there. No encouragement it begins to feel like people just want you to fail.
I have decided moving forward I will keep counting the days since this journey began but tomorrow I am starting a new chapter in the journey, chapter 2 call it. I do this so I can leave behind the guilt for not making my goal so it is not a constant depressing reminder. It will not motivate me it will not serve me well as I will only dwell on it. So starting tomorrow is chapter 2 of the journey I am recommitting to my goals but I am setting two this time. I want to get to 265 by December 31st. My overall goal is 195lbs but I am not sure about putting a timeline on it. based on projections it should be achievable by June 14th 2018 but I want to achieve it sooner if I can.
Well I think that is everything for now… tomorrow starts chapter 2 in this journey